There used to be a time in my life where things used to matter, when being a kid had no repercussions whatsoever. But that was a long time ago; I’m sixteen now, and the other priorities in my life are far more important than acting like a child without a care in the world. I no longer take life for granted. Not since the day when my whole world came crashing down and shattered into a million pieces.

It was the spring of 2016. It was a cold and wet day sometime in April, but I didn’t seem to have minded the weather, for it had always rained this time of the year.  My feet were planted to the ground, and I was quietly by myself in a place where I hadn’t been to for so long. It had been so long that I had almost forgotten the time when Andrea, my sister, had woken me from my slumber one night, and somehow persuaded me to sneak out of the house, ending up where I was conveniently standing years later. I remembered thinking as small child that she was crazy for trying to communicate with the dead.  But most of all, that she was crazy for dragging along her little brother who feared mostly everything into her shenanigans.  At the time and at eleven-years old, I shivered with nothing but fear, but now—as a sixteen-year-old on the premises—all I felt was death. 

I couldn’t breathe!  

I wanted this punctured hole gone. And the absence that was in my life, it was everywhere. All the things that used to matter to me became meaningless. 

They were nothing but distant memories.

                                                             ***

“It’s hard here without you. My heart, something is missing. It’s where you used to be.” I felt the tightness in my throat choke out the words. I looked at the cement stone, brushing my fingertips over the line between the two dates.

1999-2015

I then looked at the first and last name that was engraved into the light grey stone.

Andrea Taylor.

My spirit was drowning in the river of anguish as that agony, that guilt and anger built up all in one began to grow rapidly. I was pretending that I was happy, when deep down inside, I was drowning to the bottom of such misery. 

“I wonder if anything will go back to normal, Andrea. I just hope one day I’ll feel something other than what I feel right now.” I laid my body next to her grave. “This pain that I feel, it's with me all the time. Nothing helps! Everything is a reminder of that pain that I feel in my chest. It’s like I can’t breathe! You were my everything! And one day, I’m scared that I’ll forget you.” I allowed my sorrows to put me to sleep, dreaming of Andrea and when we would be reunited in another life.

Kylie Milne

Kylie M. is currently in her second year of Algonquin in the Professional Writing Program.  She plans to fulfill her dreams of becoming a part time author, while starting a new journey in her life.