In the light of day, a walk down memory lane can be a dream. Under the cover of night though, it can feel more like a nightmare. 

In the quiet hours of the night, you remember what it was like to hold their hand in public. You can’t help but reflect on the late nights and early mornings shared together or the way their voice brightened even the darkest of days. You don’t stay lingering on what caused it all to crumble; your mind can only showcase your highlight reels. Nostalgia has gone from friend to foe, a bitter drink that you must now swallow.

If you romanticize the past like I do, moving on may feel like the most challenging journey you’ve ever had to take. Nostalgia can get us through the toughest of times, but it can also be our demise. And when you stir in nostalgia with a heaping of heartbreak, you may be in for a long ride to healing. 

I know you may want a quick fix—an easy answer. So you may not be thrilled when I say that the trick to healing your wounded heart is trust and time. Trust that you’ve gone with your intuition and made the right decision; let time cascade over you like a band-aid.

But can nostalgia keep us in a relationship past its expiration date? Or is it the saving grace a couple needs?

The simple answer is yes—to both.

Looking back on the good ol’ days in a relationship can give us the warm fuzzies we need to plow through rough times. We know that nostalgia can provide us with the power to be resilient, and when days get dark within a relationship, nostalgia can be the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Looking back on the honeymoon bliss at the beginning of your relationship or the fun adventures you’ve had together can remind you of the effortless love and admiration you had, and may still have, for each other. A good bout of reminiscing may be the remedy for your relationship woes!

But, like a double-edged sword, reminding yourself of your past can magnify the unhappiness you may currently feel in your relationship. Realizing what you no longer have or need can be a painful stake to the heart. A wound one may struggle to heal from. 

Although research hasn’t been able to confirm or deny whether nostalgia is more beneficial than it is harmful, I say it goes both ways. Like most things, nostalgia and reminiscing should be enjoyed in small doses. Couples that find themselves fighting for their relationship may find that reflecting on fond memories is a great motivator—in the short term. In the long run, though, a good blast from the past will most likely not be enough to undo any current damage. 

Maybe nostalgia will be the spark of hope you and your partner need to persevere through hard times, or perhaps the contrast between where you were and where the two of you are now will be too disheartening to bear. At the end of the day, though, if the days behind you seem brighter than the ones ahead of you, it’s probably time to reevaluate. 

Shake things up! Fall back in love with all the possibilities the future can hold. Let go of anyone and anything that may not get you to where you want to be. Put happiness first and foremost.

You’ll thank yourself for it later. And maybe, hopefully someday soon, memory lane won’t seem so dark. 

Peyton Scott

Peyton is a full-time student, part-time writer, and partial night owl. She falls in love with everything at least once, but especially (and in no particular order): words, furry creatures, empty notebooks, true crime, hikes (and probably you).

Instagram: @peyyscott

Twitter: @peyytonscott