Where Are Your Friends?

I went for solo brunch on a Sunday and after being seated. The waiter gestured to me while loudly telling his co-worker that there was a “single lady” in her section. The diner was mostly empty, but I couldn’t help but feel weird about being referred to that way.

Single ladies” was, of course, coined by Beyoncé in 2009 in one of her many anthems of solidarity for independent women.

Screw bringing someone along to prove to the world that you have friends. Then, you have to maintain a conversation with them while ravenously scarfing down the real reason you left your house in the first place. I’ve always felt the need to bring my laptop or a book along (or be staring into my phone) like a security blanket to avoid feeling awkward about it. 

I’ve never really thought twice about going out to eat on my own. Working at a sports bar, nobody blinks an eye if a guy has a beer and watches TV in public by himself but if I chose to do the same at the end of my shift, in most cases it isn't long before I have some unwanted company. I completely get that the waiter was probably making a joke. I laughed, but more in an attempt to feel less weird than because I found it funny. Trust me, wait staff could care less if you are by yourself, except when the place is full and you are taking a table of six to yourself. 

Laura Silver, a reporter from BuzzFeed UK went for a week of solo dinners at various London restaurants, ranking the awkwardness level from 1-5. Bey references and clever insight included, Silver found that showy, small-plates restaurants ranked highest on the awkward scale.

Photo Credit: Julia Eisenberg


EMILY THEELEN

Emily is a spoiled firstborn and an aspiring editor. She has a Bachelor of General Social Sciences from the University of Ottawa and works part-time as a waitress. In her spare time, she can be found in her apartment compiling her imaginary sneaker collection on Pinterest, snacking, and balancing on her head (sometimes at the same time). 

Instagram | Twitter

When You Just Can't Wynne

Leaving my house the other day, I noticed that several poles in my neighborhood had been plastered with posters blasting Kathleen Wynne. I noticed in passing that these posters had a horse-like caricature with Wynne’s characteristic glasses on them.

I didn’t understand. What does the Premier of Ontario have to do with horses?

It bothered me for days. I went back on a mission to find the evidence, but they had all been taken down. On Sunday, I saw one on my way to brunch poking out from under another (much better quality) poster. I could feel passersby giving me the side eye while I tried to inconspicuously remove it from the pole without damaging the other posters and put it in my pocket.

Horse-faced (adj.) dates back to the 1670s, meaning a long, rough, ugly face. Today, it's almost synonymous with Sarah Jessica Parker (who is a gorgeous woman with an oval face).

Why are we still referencing something as irrelevant as attractiveness when attacking policies? 

Perhaps the horse cartoon was making reference to investments she made in horse racing in Ontario, but the connection was easy to make. Justin Trudeau feels our pain: We can all thank our objectified prime minister's stylist for finally having a proper female representation in caucus. 

Similarly, the #CovertheAthlete campaign is speaking out against the media's sexist coverage of female athletes. Try asking one of these ticked-off dudes to smile after being asked a question like that. 

Photo Credit: Emily Theelen


EMILY THEELEN

Emily is a spoiled firstborn and an aspiring editor. She has a Bachelor of General Social Sciences from the University of Ottawa and works part-time as a waitress. In her spare time, she can be found in her apartment compiling her imaginary sneaker collection on Pinterest, snacking, and balancing on her head (sometimes at the same time). 

Instagram | Twitter


We All Do It

Working in the service industry, I’m guilty of using choice words for select clientele.

It can be difficult when a vulturesque woman sucks her teeth at you, looking down her beak from behind her spectacles as she sends the pinot grigio back because it’s not as dry as she is.

Old Bird, I conclude in order to save face.

But she knows what she wants, and she gets it.

The word “bird” in reference to a young woman (c.1300) actually comes from burd, according to the online etymology dictionary:

A poetic word for "woman, lady" in old ballads; later "young lady, maiden;" c. 1200, perhaps from Old English byrde "wealthy, well-born." Or a metathesis of bryd "bride."

Well, she was certainly wealthy.  Entitlement can go a long way if you're in the right place I suppose.

Historically an honourable term,  I certainly used it in a disparaging way, which I think has become the modern use for it. I've heard many a bro refer to groups of young women when looking for prospect; flocks of potential chirping conquests.  I can't remember a specific time where I've overheard someone refer to myself that way, but I wouldn't take it very well. 

If I were to have “flipped her the bird” in response, derived from 1860s expression give the big bird "to hiss someone like a goose," kept alive in Vaudeville slang with the sense of greeting someone with boos, hisses, and catcalls (1922). In the 1960s, this transferred to the "up yours" hand gesture (the rigid finger representing the hypothetical object to be inserted) on notion of defiance and contempt.

“Bird” is also historically linked to catcalling and contempt. Interesting. It wouldn't be much of a stretch to connect the dots. 

Would it have been more polite to call her an old bag?

Using “bag” for woman as slang meant “person’s area of interest or expertise” around 1924 likely in reference to women being chattel. In 1964, from African-American vernacular it likely came from the notion of putting something in a bag. 

Is that really much better?

Photo Credit: Roger Kirby


EMILY THEELEN

Emily is a spoiled firstborn and an aspiring editor. She has a Bachelor of General Social Sciences from the University of Ottawa and works part-time as a waitress. In her spare time, she can be found in her apartment compiling her imaginary sneaker collection on Pinterest, snacking, and balancing on her head (sometimes at the same time). 

Instagram | Twitter

Ladies First

First, a disclaimer is necessary: I’m just a female who happens to have noticed that even though men and women are getting pretty damn close to equal, sexism is still inherent in a lot of the language we use. Like it or not, some people are still in denial that the patriarchy ever existed. Locker-room talk still exists: it’s called Rape Culture, and it hits home: Anne-Marie Roy, the president for the Student Federation of the University of Ottawa was the victim of a nasty Facebook chat between four male student leaders. Bill Cosby and Jian Ghomeshi were pretty cool until about a year ago, too.

I dare you to Google slang terms for men and women right now. Actually, I did it already. Just keep reading. Here’s what I found:

12067806_10156106931985114_218849810_n (2).jpg

Slang is elusive. It’s daunting to make a comprehensive list of every bad name you could call someone. Language is constantly evolving, degrees of offensiveness vary, and lots of words can be used to insult both sexes. I tried and my list of insults towards men is about half as long as my list for women.

Bottom line: the repertoire is a lot more extensive if you want to diss a lady.

Slang words towards women cut deeper too; there’s history behind them. The overt sexism of the past has trickled down into our vernacular. Some thematic similarities exist in the way we insult women and men. References to anatomy, assimilation to animals, and subverting constructs of masculinity/femininity exist for both, but most informal ways of referring to women objectify them in ways that men are not, no matter how nasty.

It’s not all bad: Lots of these terms are still perfectly reclaimable and subconsciously empowering. That's what I'm trying to do here. Maybe change some attitudes about how we talk about women. As Tina Fey would say,  "Bitch is the new black."

So, follow me on my etymological journey of the y-chromosomally challenged. I hope we’ll all learn a thing or two. 

Photo Credit: Emily Theelen


1235221_10153735125450114_750926654_n.jpg

EMILY THEELEN

Emily is a spoiled firstborn and an aspiring editor. She has a Bachelor of General Social Sciences from the University of Ottawa and works part-time as a waitress. In her spare time, she can be found in her apartment compiling her imaginary sneaker collection on Pinterest, snacking, and balancing on her head (sometimes at the same time). 

Instagram | Twitter