Found Footage is Terrible
/I love found-footage horror.
I know—you expected me to rant about the genre’s flaws. Don’t worry. That’s coming. But I need you to know up front that this tirade comes from a genuine fan. Maybe you’ll come to appreciate these movies as much as I do.
First, a few caveats: I hated the Blair Witch Project. I found it boring. Tell me how wrong I am below in the comments, which I’ll definitely read. I promise.
Next caveat: I’m going to skip a few gems of the genre to draw attention to films I’m guessing you haven’t seen. So be sure to watch the Paranormal Activity franchise and Cloverfield on your own time. As an aside on Cloverfield, I must admit I preferred either sequel to the original. I thought the move away from found-footage was the right call.
Have you seen As Above, So Below? If not, get out. You can read a great review here and watch it immediately. It’s one of the best found-footage horror flicks ever made.
In my last post I brought up my love of religious horror. As you can imagine, religious found-footage horror is my kryptonite, and in my next post I’ll introduce you to two of my favourites. Stay tuned!
For now, let me introduce you to three horrible but irresistible found footage masterpieces. Each is so bad in its own way it comes around full circle and enters the realm of art.
The Dinosaur Project (2012)
From CineMaterial.com
The line between thriller and horror is often blurry, and The Dinosaur Project falls on both sides. Picture a low-budget Jurassic Park.
When I say low budget, I mean excruciating. Found footage can get away with just about anything. Don’t expect Jurassic Park CGI. Some of the dinosaurs look great, but any I really wanted a good look at are only shown for a few split seconds with classic found footage blurring and shaky cameras.
The dialogue is painfully dull. The main characters, a father and son, have a strained, awkward relationship. Found footage more than any other genre likes to exaggerate character baggage. Every conversation is loaded and forced as if that’s somehow more like real life than normal movies. And the only character who verges on stability gets eaten first.
I can only recommend this movie because I’ve watched it so many times. I can’t explain why. Once you watch it, you’ll be hooked. It’s terrible.
From CineMaterial.com
The Pyramid (2014)
At least it’s better than The Pyramid.
A solid thirty minutes of The Pyramid is dedicated to reminding us that found footage writers are dramatic people. This movie has endless drama, and the awkward dialogue puts The Dinosaur Project to shame. By the time the action starts, I’m begging the Egyptian gods to kill everyone.
Oh, and every bad decision in a found-footage horror flick can be traced back to daddy issues. That’s a trope you can bank on.
Another found footage trope is the fake expert. These characters claim to have dedicated their lives to Egyptian archaeology, but I knew more than them on the subject in first grade.
Lucky for us, The Pyramid delivers on horror. People die in all kinds of gruesome ways, from booby traps to ravenous jackals. And wait until you see what the god of death looks like up close.
Chronicle (2012)
From CineMaterial.com
And finally, there’s Chronicle. More thriller than horror, this teen superpower found-footage flick is full of dark turns.
Chronicle follows three teens who find crystals in a cave and come out with telekinesis.
Again, the dialogue’s crap, but for the most part I found Chronicle believable. And the characters have baggage I can believe too. In similar circumstances, I might become a murderous supervillain.
Before things get that dark, there are some hilarious scenes of teen guys doing exactly what teen guys would do if they were given powers. That includes pranks and playing sky football.
My favourite trope in this one is that several characters in the movie are obsessed with filming things for no particular reason. How else could the proverbial “finder of the footage” ever piece together so many tidbits from everyday life no one else in their right mind would film?
That said, Chronicle is my favourite in the genre. It makes me want to rethink my title, even if most found footage is so bad I watch more from morbid curiosity.
If you check these three out, let me know what you think below.
Tim McKay - Tim studied theology and worked as a pastor before leaving it all behind, making him the perfect cliche apostate from every religious horror flick.
