Server not Servant!

pixabay.com

Serving can be a nightmare. An anxiety filled, mentally and physically exhausting occupation. And yet, I’ve chosen to work this job for the past 5 years. Why? Because it pays the bills and it’s one of the only jobs available that can accommodate my student hours. I know I am not alone in this. For most, It’s a love-hate relationship; we suffer for the money as we grow increasingly bitter at management and the entire population for treating us the way that they do.

 According to the Telegraph, scientists have found that low paid jobs, such as those in the service industry, leave employees at a far greater risk of heart problems and are 58% more likely to suffer an ischemic stroke. The article goes on to explain how those working in this field are often left vulnerable to the whims of customers and management and are forced to work long unsociable hours to serve the 9-5 crowd. Amen! I don’t know about you, but I think if I’m literally risking my life to serve, you should tip. And if you don’t tip at least be a kind human being.

Photo by pina messina on Unsplash

As Narcity explains this is how you should tip:

• 15% - Okay service
• 18% - Good service
• 20% - Great service
• 21% - 30% - Exceptional service

  I have been screamed at over free refills on chips and salsa. I have been grabbed by the arm and scolded like a young child. A man once asked me to take a seat on his lap as the rest of his table laughed. What is it about servers that makes society want to badger and abuse? Is it because you’re tipping us? We make below minimum wage; you have an obligation to tip. You pay for your air ducts to be cleaned and I’m sure you don’t scream at them. I block your nastiness out while my toes are jammed into cowboy boots as I maneuver around the room with a 50-pound tray of sizzling fajitas spraying oil onto the side of my face.

 Unsurprisingly, the increased minimum wage has set the entire industry on edge. Costs have to be cut because now businesses are forced to pay employees a higher wage. How will the ledgers be balanced, you ask? By sticking their grubby hands into the tip jar.

 When the restaurant I previously worked for decided to change the tip pool in preparation for the minimum wage increase, half of my location quit in rage. Corporate hoo-ha’s wanted the tips we made to be shared with management because they couldn’t afford to provide wage increases.

I moved on to what I thought were bigger and better things, only to encounter a different kind of crowd. I now work Sunday morning brunch. This is by far the most ruthless of crowds. Even more brutal than hungry, burly men smacking their beers on the table, demanding their 5th refill of meat on All-You-Can-Eat Fajitas night. Even crueler than the Black Friday shoppers who trample each other for a free T.V.  

Picture a quaint little French bistro styled brunch spot with walls painted yellow, where happy music plays over the speakers. A cutesy little place, where demonically possessed humanoids roll out of bed at the crack of dawn and trudge over demanding bacon and eggs and organic coffee. Here, I am berated for different reasons. I stand in the way of your 8th refill of coffee. Trust me, I’m not too pretty without my morning cup of joe either, but I don’t bark orders like a tyrant. It’s 9 A.M on a Sunday. What are you even doing out of bed? Shhhh, go back to sleep.

Or, just enjoy yourself and I'll be right over.

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Emily Andrechuk can almost always be found nose deep in a novel, usually historical fiction or one of her many travel guides. When she’s not counting her pennies for flights abroad, she’s at home cooking, drinking wine and writing.  She is a direct entry student in Algonquin College’s Professional Writing program.

A Nickel for My Thoughts

NICKELBACK.COM

 Nickelback is the pineapple pizza of music, you either love them or you hate them. Since the band's inception in 1995 in Hanna, Alberta, Canada, they've been picked apart, trolled on the internet and criticized internationally. This debate plaguing our great nation is worn like an old pair of socks, where the holes are jokes and the entire thing is just irritating. Calling them lame is cliché, like arguing that crocs are ugly or saying you hate the long lines at Canada’s Wonderland. How did our hate become such an obvious fact and cultural norm? In my opinion, you're lying if you claim you didn’t slow dance to "Photograph" or ugly cry all their lyrics when you were dumped. Worry not! There are legit reasons behind the anger you feel when listening to Nickelback. I'm going to debunk the so-called Nickelback phenomenon, the controversy over being one of the world’s most despised and popular bands, Canada is lucky enough to call their own. 

According to Daisy Jones of Noisey.com, "they may be a group of people with yellow noodle bobs, eyebrow piercings and goatees that look like they’ve been painted onto their faces in watercolour", but you can't ignore their success. These leather jacket-wearing musicians have sold over fifty million records worldwide. Their breakthrough song, "How You Remind Me", was the best-selling rock song of the decade in the US. So, how does a band that's responsible for songs that inspire millions also evoke feelings of nausea and repulsion? 

Nickelback.com

There are many theories, including that of Salli Anttonen from the University of Eastern Finland. Anttonen compiled and analyzed fourteen years worth of reviews about Nickelback in order to shed light on this very important issue. According to Anttonen, the band has been thwarted by their tendencies to remain safe and calculated in their artistic approach. For instance, in an interview when working on How You Remind Me, Chad Kroeger famously claimed that he, “studied every piece, everything sonically, everything lyrically, everything musically, chord structure. I would dissect every single song that I would hear on the radio or every song that had ever done well on a chart and say, why did this do so well?” Needless to say, Nickelback’s music and success reflects this formulaic strategy, with its easy-to-listen to vibes. For some, this tactic is obvious, and seen as "fake, forced and an illusion of hard rock". The “post post-grunge era” of Nickelback’s presence in mainstream music has meant they are often compared to bands like Nirvana. In that case they can fall short of every expectation. If separated and not compared to other bands, people might appreciate the catchy strategic music for what it is.  

 A sense of belonging and community may also factor into the need to despise such a recognized band. James Lachno of the Telegraph, argues that a feeling of common ground could be a reason behind the mainstreaming of hate directed towards musicians like Nickelback. The need to share hatred for Nickelback, or for pineapple on pizza, can form stronger bonds in our relationships with colleagues and family. Expressing what we hate strengthens our belief in what we love, especially when put into contrast. Lachno claims that our hatred for Nickelback validates our love for Nirvana. Chad Kroeger is no Kurt Cobain and there is nothing wrong with that.

Lachno goes on to remind us of the P.E.I police force and their new form of punishment. In order to deter drunk drivers, P.E.I police stated that anyone who chooses to drink and drive would be forced to listen to Nickelback in the cruiser all the way back to joint. I guess if you’re a fan of Nickelback that car ride may not be so unbearable. Cuffed up in the back, bopping to Rockstar. Instead of using their music for torture like the P.E.I police force, lets be nice human beings and move on. Frankly, it's pretty mainstream now to hate on Nickelback, so maybe it could be Avant-garde to love them instead.

Check out one of their most successful songs below!

© 2007 WMG How You Remind Me (Video) Buy it now on iTunes: http://bit.ly/b4Mn9L Nickelback's new album, 'No Fixed Address' is available now: http://smarturl.it/NBNoFixedAddress Connect with Nickelback: http://nickelback.com http://fb.com/nickelback http://twitter.com/nickelback http://instagram.com/nickelback

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Emily Andrechuk can almost always be found nose deep in a novel, usually historical fiction or one of her many travel guides. When she’s not counting her pennies for flights abroad, she’s at home cooking, drinking wine and writing.  She is a direct entry student in Algonquin College’s Professional Writing program.

Micro Homes Macro Suck

Photo by Geran de Klerk on Unsplash

I see you. Scrolling through social media, admiring the cutesy, quaint, timber little homes that have been spread across your timelines. Maybe you’re even daydreaming, picturing your little family with your little dog laughing over a cup of herbal tea around your tiny little table.

The micro homes movement has taken over the world wide web, television and my sanity. Although, I do agree that adopting a minimalist lifestyle can effectively reduce your carbon footprint, tiny homes are not as glamourous as Pinterest would lead you to believe.

While you’re envisioning all the places you could roll your humble abode, to the Rockies or ocean-side Oregon, I bet you’re not picturing the smells and lack of personal space that will come along with it. I'm here to lay down the reality of tiny homes, not the illusion HGTV has chosen to show you. Here, I'll paint a picture of inescapable odours, poor weather proofing and jail cell sized living.

The Oregonian's Janet Eastman outlined 77 reasons why critics don’t like tiny homes. The arguments are eye-opening and will hopefully save you crucial internet-surfing time. I’ve picked my favourites and outlined them below.

 The average size of a Canadian home in 2010 was 1,950 square feet. This does seem ginormous and ridiculous but not as outrageous as choosing to cram all of your precious belongings into the 315 square feet of a tiny home. If you really want to live in tight quarters, why don’t you buy this lovely shelter at Walmart for $99.

This “roomy” tent even has fold-down ventilating windows which will help to alleviate some of the questionable smells emanating from both pets and family. If you’re looking to be at one with nature, you can go "glamping" for a lot less. Bonus, there might even be properly functioning bathrooms on site.

Lauren Modery’s blog from hipstercrite.com, describes it like this: How do inhabitants of itty-bitty homes escape smells? "You have nowhere to run. All you can do is walk three feet to the other end of the house and pray."

Now if vanity isn't a concern, then squeezing into tight quarters like these might not sound so bad. But what if the confines that you choose to binge-watch Netflix (on your laptop because you definitely don’t have space for a T.V) while drinking kombucha is susceptible to storms? What if while you're watching episodes of Heartland, your roof just flew off, because you built it yourself, and let’s face it, you’re not Mike Holmes?

According to Eastman this is possible, most of the wood-framed homes erected on travel trailers are homemade projects, sensitive to wind and rain. In many Canadian communities it is illegal to live in an RV or a tiny home on wheels permanently. Because of this, they do not have to adhere to the same strict building codes as homes with foundation that require windows, walls and roofs to withstand powerful storms. Roofs are important people! If you’re looking for a more eco-friendly way of life, it might be easier to just strap some solar panels on your sturdy roof and call it a day.

For more perspective, watch the clip below from the hilarious show Portlandia.

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Emily Andrechuk can almost always be found nose deep in a novel, usually historical fiction or one of her many travel guides. When she’s not counting her pennies for flights abroad, she’s at home cooking, drinking wine and writing.  She is a direct entry student in Algonquin College’s Professional Writing program.