Thir13en Goats? I Mean GHOSTS!
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Thir13en Goats? A Parody edit of the Thir13en ghosts title
Horror fans love compiling lists of all the worst or cheesiest horror movies they’ve forced themselves to sit through, including low budget, independent, bad sequels and remakes. 2000s films are often included because they came out during the prime time for using crappy CGI effects, and we believe that laughing about it can be a fun way to justify wasting a whole hour and a half of our lives staring unimpressed at the screen. Today I want to talk about my favourite horror movie: it’s from the early 2000s, it’s a remake, and one that many critics say relies more on shock factor than good writing—
But that’s only partially true, and focussing on that alone may discourage people from getting into a truly spectacular movie.
“Misery Loves Company!” Cover art for the Thir13en Ghosts VHS and DVD release
Thirteen Ghosts (stylized as Thir13en Ghosts) is Dark Castle Entertainment’s remake of the 1960 film. It averages from one to three-and-a-half stars for most ratings, and it wasn’t so popular when it released in 2001, either. However, it has gained attention—especially over the last few years—and has been recognized for being a visual masterpiece through its use of practical effects. It has a decent story, one that can be genuinely funny, with characters and lore that surpass expectations.
Fans of movies like Scream will recognize Matthew Lillard, the actor who played Stu Macher in 1996. In Thirteen Ghosts Lillard plays a psychic named Dennis Rafkin who just won’t shut up about how much he hates his job, but you might complain too if your supernatural-obsessed boss is careless enough to get himself killed by his own ghost that you helped him capture…and before paying you a single cent of what he owes you. Then, as if to make matters worse, he’s arranged for his gigantic glass house to be given away to his financially struggling nephew, his two kids and the nanny they shouldn’t be able to afford.
At this point Rafkin says, “To hell with it!” and decides to sneak into the glass house dressed as a man from the Power Company to search for his money. When everyone’s inside, the doors shut and lock on their own—and when he tries to warn the family about the collection of their uncle’s ghosts in the basement, some who will definitely try to kill them, the father is so clueless that he mishears and asks if Rafkin means “goats.”
Movie screenshot of the ghosts
These goats—erm, ghosts—are one of the major highlights of the film. They’re not created with CGI at all, but are actors dressed in unique costumes and makeup. For what some of them may lack in screentime, the DVD extras make up for it by telling their individual backstories through short videos in ways that the main movie wouldn’t have had time to explore. Each of them represents a symbol of the Black Zodiac—a concept similar to the Western Zodiac signs, but with a purpose much more sinister…
In the end, Thirteen Ghosts still has a few cheesy horror movie habits, but that’s what makes it (and the genre) fun! It’s an underrated gem to be found among 2000s horror, both visually spectacular and offering a lot of detail to those who are willing dig down into it.
Teagan kept on hearing she would have to write some blog posts for college. That joke about writing about horror gave her real fits…then she realized they were serious. At least she’s seen plenty of slasher movies and has her dark sense of humour to work in her favour.
You have just heard from her with her funny little games. They say she’s a writer now. Ha ha.
