Gremlins on the Shelf

Stores are always too quick to set Christmas stuff out before Halloween has come and gone. Now that December is officially on the way, don’t us horror fans feel a certain kind of bitterness? Personally, I’m the kind of girl who likes the October vibe to last all year. But we still don’t want to miss out on all the winter festivities, you know?

Photo taekn from Michelle Muto’s blog

There is a Christmas tradition that consists of a small creature let loose in the house, the kind that kids jump out of bed in the morning to see the mischief it got up to. It also comes with three rules: don’t touch it, be kind—it can hear everything and report it back to Santa, and it must go home to the North Pole when Christmas is over.

Ah yes, Elf on the Shelf. I’m sure you must have heard of it.

But I am a fan of another type of mischievous, Christmas-y sort of creature. They’re the kind that also come with three rules: don’t get them wet, never put them in sunlight, and never, ever feed them after midnight.

They have their way of getting kids and adults alike out of bed in the morning. (Like when they set your Christmas tree on fire or kidnap the nice man who plays Santa Claus at the local toy drive.)

Gremlins movie screenshot

You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? So goodbye, Jingleheimer (it’s what we named the elf) and hello, Gremlin! Together we have come up with a very merry (and disastrous!) list of things to do for the holidays inspired by the 1984 Gremlins movie.

We like to start our holidays off by watching some of our favourite horror/holiday movies including A Christmas Carol, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and of course…Snow White? Oh, because “snow?” I mean, I guess we can add that to the list…but it wasn’t me who said it.

Author’s photo. Gremlins will destroy houses of all kinds

Gremlins cannot hold back their craving for sugar (and destruction!) for long, so as soon as Mrs. Peltzer is done with the Christmas cookies, or when my little sister is finished building her gingerbread house, it’s time to chow down!

Gremlins like to help out, too—about as much as the cat does when putting up Christmas lights (especially if it involves tormenting the dog.) They are also known for creating the most immaculate light displays, the type of displays the whole town will be able to see when the neighbour’s house goes up in flames. At least it will keep us all toasty and warm!

Gremlins movie screenshot

Christmas carolling might seem a little old fashioned these days, but gremlins take great pride in their singing voices and spreading either cheer or death to the biggest neighbourhood humbugs.

(So goodbye, Mrs. Deagle!)

Elf on the shelf? he’s Dead! Photo taken from The U.S. Sun

So if you were thinking about witnessing some fun Christmas mischief this year and your Elf on the Shelf has tragically disappeared in a cloud of its magic North Pole stuffing…celebrate this holiday season like a pro and replace the elf with the gremlin as the family Christmas tradition!

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Teagan kept on hearing she would have to write some blog posts for college. That joke about writing about horror gave her real fits…then she realized they were serious. At least she’s seen plenty of slasher movies and has her dark sense of humour to work in her favour.

You have just heard from her with her funny little games. They say she’s a writer now. Ha ha.

No Hate on Horror Sequels!

You know you’re in the right college program when you get to talk about your love for movies in the way they do in Scream 2, when Mickey and Randy debated about sequels—but not just any sequels, horror sequels! And that’s why Empire Strikes Back doesn’t get any consideration here.

“[It’s] not a sequel,” argues Randy, “part of a trilogy completely planned.”

Yeah, well…shut up, Randy. This is why I’m taking Mickey’s side: to explain why the second movie in horror franchises can be just as good, or possibly even better than the first. 

Scream 2

Scream 2 movie cover

The expectations are high for sequels to live up to their originals, yet they often disappoint. But why? People say it has to do with a lack of originality or laziness from the studio, but Scream 2 treated its disadvantage like a challenge and worked it into the self-aware sense of humour that the franchise is famous for.

Movie screenshot

For this movie there was a copycat killer: a Ghostface who was very determined to create a worthy sequel, and one who got all riled up every time someone told him it was a bad idea. Maybe he did base his idea off of the first killer, and maybe he was a little clumsier—one time managing to trip over an entire couch—but he tried, and he tried hard (so no one can dare call his sequel lazy!).

There is just something about them: Scream and Scream 2 will always feel the most classic to me, complimenting each other as the beginning and a highly worthy continuation. The franchise slowly started to get less appealing to me afterwards, but that’s a discussion for another day.

Child’s Play 2

Movie screenshot

Sequels have a hidden advantage to their originals when handled right. Having established a world with characters and backstories already, the original movies save sequels time from introducing these things so they can get straight to the plot.

Movie screenshot with Andy and Chucky

A great example of this is Child’s Play 2. I remember finding it dissatisfying in the first movie at how young Andy was, and how little he could communicate about the killer doll, Chucky. In the sequel Andy is two years older, more capable of making decisions and understanding the consequences of the situation. Questions like, “When will he try to hide Chucky?” or “When should he trust people to believe him?” add conflict, and therefore brings more excitement to the story.

Sequels can develop relationships much further between characters than the first movie had the chance to. But aw, poor Andy, and just about every other horror protagonist with more than one film…I’ll bet they wished to say goodbye to the killer the first time they killed them.

The Ring Two

The ring two movie cover

Samara reminds me of myself as a child: a horror fan long before she was allowed to watch the movies, so nobody knew what influenced her to be so damn creepy. I love her for it, and I love her sequel for giving her more screen time in a more sympathetic light. It’s a personal preference, perhaps, but it still falls into interesting character development.

Movie screenshot of Samara

Her character has been represented as an entity of pure evil, a vengeful ghost who never stops killing. In the first movie when she was speaking to a doctor in an old tape, he suggests that maybe she didn’t want to hurt anyone—but her answer is what you might expect something evil to say: “But I do.”

Then she said she was sorry. It’s confusing what Samara was trying to say.

By The Ring Two, it’s clear she will do anything and deceive anyone to get what she wants, even if it’s only to belong or to be loved. And it can be hard to see the malice of a plan behind the face of an “innocent” child, making me almost start to root for her against my better judgement. That’s what makes the horror and fascination for me in this movie strong: maybe Samara is half evil, and half misunderstood?

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So that’s that, do I win this game? Do I get a high-five from the class? Oh, stop pouting, Randy, and acknowledge my points. Write your own blog, if you will—but horror sequels can be great!

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Teagan kept on hearing she would have to write some blog posts for college. That joke about writing about horror gave her real fits…then she realized they were serious. At least she’s seen plenty of slasher movies and has her dark sense of humour to work in her favour.

You have just heard from her with her funny little games. They say she’s a writer now. Ha ha.

Thir13en Goats? I Mean GHOSTS!

Thir13en Goats? A Parody edit of the Thir13en ghosts title

Horror fans love compiling lists of all the worst or cheesiest horror movies they’ve forced themselves to sit through, including low budget, independent, bad sequels and remakes. 2000s films are often included because they came out during the prime time for using crappy CGI effects, and we believe that laughing about it can be a fun way to justify wasting a whole hour and a half of our lives staring unimpressed at the screen. Today I want to talk about my favourite horror movie: it’s from the early 2000s, it’s a remake, and one that many critics say relies more on shock factor than good writing—

But that’s only partially true, and focussing on that alone may discourage people from getting into a truly spectacular movie.

“Misery Loves Company!” Cover art for the Thir13en Ghosts VHS and DVD release

Thirteen Ghosts (stylized as Thir13en Ghosts) is Dark Castle Entertainment’s remake of the 1960 film. It averages from one to three-and-a-half stars for most ratings, and it wasn’t so popular when it released in 2001, either. However, it has gained attention—especially over the last few years—and has been recognized for being a visual masterpiece through its use of practical effects. It has a decent story, one that can be genuinely funny, with characters and lore that surpass expectations.

Fans of movies like Scream will recognize Matthew Lillard, the actor who played Stu Macher in 1996. In Thirteen Ghosts Lillard plays a psychic named Dennis Rafkin who just won’t shut up about how much he hates his job, but you might complain too if your supernatural-obsessed boss is careless enough to get himself killed by his own ghost that you helped him capture…and before paying you a single cent of what he owes you. Then, as if to make matters worse, he’s arranged for his gigantic glass house to be given away to his financially struggling nephew, his two kids and the nanny they shouldn’t be able to afford.

At this point Rafkin says, “To hell with it!” and decides to sneak into the glass house dressed as a man from the Power Company to search for his money. When everyone’s inside, the doors shut and lock on their own—and when he tries to warn the family about the collection of their uncle’s ghosts in the basement, some who will definitely try to kill them, the father is so clueless that he mishears and asks if Rafkin means “goats.”

Movie screenshot of the ghosts

These goats—erm, ghosts—are one of the major highlights of the film. They’re not created with CGI at all, but are actors dressed in unique costumes and makeup. For what some of them may lack in screentime, the DVD extras make up for it by telling their individual backstories through short videos in ways that the main movie wouldn’t have had time to explore. Each of them represents a symbol of the Black Zodiac—a concept similar to the Western Zodiac signs, but with a purpose much more sinister…

In the end, Thirteen Ghosts still has a few cheesy horror movie habits, but that’s what makes it (and the genre) fun! It’s an underrated gem to be found among 2000s horror, both visually spectacular and offering a lot of detail to those who are willing dig down into it.

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Teagan kept on hearing she would have to write some blog posts for college. That joke about writing about horror gave her real fits…then she realized they were serious. At least she’s seen plenty of slasher movies and has her dark sense of humour to work in her favour.

You have just heard from her with her funny little games. They say she’s a writer now. Ha ha.