The Making of a Memory

Some memories feel like they just happened yesterday. Yet others can feel so far away.

I remember just about everything from the trip my then-boyfriend and I took last summer. I remember the clothes I wore, the food we packed, and the name of the sweet lady who’s cabin we stayed at. I could tell you the name of the park we were visiting, the path we were hiking, and even the exact time that my boyfriend got down on one knee and became my fiancé. 

I knew that entire weekend that we were making memories I would want to hold onto forever. For some people, remembering details like these may seem like a breeze. But I am what you could call a poor historian — I struggle to hold onto my long-term memories. The fact that I can remember these specific details that happened 16 months ago is a small but mighty victory for me!

I’ve always wondered why long-term memories are easy for some to hold onto and not for others, so I did a little digging. What actually goes into making a memory?

Short-Term Memory: the RAM

The brain is a complex organ, so of course the answer to this question is complex as well. But to make this easier to understand, let’s compare the brain to a computer. Our short-term memory is like the RAM in our computers, only holding onto information that we are currently working with. Our short-term memory is probably a lot shorter than you think, lasting only between 15 to 30 seconds! 

For example, if someone tells you an address or phone number, without repeating the information to yourself until it’s been committed to memory you will eventually —and fairly quickly— forget this information. It’s super easy to interfere with our short-term memory with new incoming information, but if you take the time to attend to the information it might just make it to the next stage —long-term memory! 

Long-Term Memory: the hard drive

We have a love-hate relationship with our long-term memory, don’t we? It can hold super sweet moments with loved ones, but it can also cling onto things we might wish we could forget. 

Warning: we’re about to get scientific! Long-term memories actually have a physical presence in the brain. Neurons make physical connections and synapses with each other when a new long-term memory is made. This connection exists whether it’s being used or not. 

There are even different categories for these types of memories: explicit and implicit memories. Implicit memories are those habits and skills that our mind and body does automatically. Like driving a car or or typing on a keyboard.

Explicit memories on the other hand are things that we are consciously aware of. This is also split up into two different groups: episodic and semantic memories. Semantic memories are our general knowledge of a variety of things, such as knowing that the capital of Ontario is Toronto. Episodic memories are memories of things and events, like remembering when you got lost on your trip to Toronto. 

We have the hippocampus to thank for regulating our memories. This region of the brain links all of the information it believes to be relevant and encodes it into memories for us. So the next time you’re frustrated about being kept up late at night reliving a memory you would much rather forget, curse your hippocampus! 

Memories need homes too!

Unfortunately, like your computer, the brain does not have an endless amount of space to store all the memories you could possibly make in your lifetime. While newer memories can hang out in the hippocampus for a while, eventually they have to migrate further into your cortex. Consider this your brain filing things away for you. But unlike a book you can file away and come back to read the same old story again, memories are constantly being updated and tweaked. 

So where do memories go when we forget them? Can we get them back again? It often feels like some memories are gone forever, but they’re just like a lost shoe in your house. It’s there, somewhere, you just can’t use it! When we try to access forgotten memories, signals are sent from our frontal cortex and our computer —I mean brain— reconstructs the memory from the information available to it. The more often you use the memory, the easier it will be to find. 

Our senses often help to rebuild memories too. Our sense of smell is a wonderful tool to help us with memories, but simply being in the presence of any elements that were in your original memory will help with retrieval. So if you’re trying to remember something that happened during a pizza party, order yourself a pizza. This isn’t an exact science, but even if it doesn’t jog the memory you were hoping for, at least you have a pizza! 

Let’s remember, it’s okay to forget

Now that I’ve overloaded your brain with information, please don’t feel pressured into remembering everything you’ve just read. If you take away anything, let it be this: you can always relearn things, but you can’t always relive them. Our memories are precious to us because we can’t go and relive the same thing twice, not truely. 

Even when our memory fails us, we find ways to remember — from photographs and journals, to blogs and conversations. We have friends that will gladly remind us of all the embarrassing things we did on a night out. We have family that can retell that childhood story from when we were nine. 

Fond memories will find us, one way or another.

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Peyton Scott

Peyton is a full-time student, part-time writer, and partial night owl. She falls in love with everything at least once, but especially (and in no particular order): words, furry creatures, empty notebooks, true crime, hikes (and probably you).

Instagram: @peyyscott

Twitter: @peyytonscott

Nostalgia, Relationships, and Heartbreak: a sweet and sour cocktail

In the light of day, a walk down memory lane can be a dream. Under the cover of night though, it can feel more like a nightmare. 

In the quiet hours of the night, you remember what it was like to hold their hand in public. You can’t help but reflect on the late nights and early mornings shared together or the way their voice brightened even the darkest of days. You don’t stay lingering on what caused it all to crumble; your mind can only showcase your highlight reels. Nostalgia has gone from friend to foe, a bitter drink that you must now swallow.

If you romanticize the past like I do, moving on may feel like the most challenging journey you’ve ever had to take. Nostalgia can get us through the toughest of times, but it can also be our demise. And when you stir in nostalgia with a heaping of heartbreak, you may be in for a long ride to healing. 

I know you may want a quick fix—an easy answer. So you may not be thrilled when I say that the trick to healing your wounded heart is trust and time. Trust that you’ve gone with your intuition and made the right decision; let time cascade over you like a band-aid.

“You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy. So let them go, let them go. I tie no weights to my ankles.”

— C. Joybell C.

But can nostalgia keep us in a relationship past its expiration date? Or is it the saving grace a couple needs?

The simple answer is yes—to both.

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

— Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

Looking back on the good ol’ days in a relationship can give us the warm fuzzies we need to plow through rough times. We know that nostalgia can provide us with the power to be resilient, and when days get dark within a relationship, nostalgia can be the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Looking back on the honeymoon bliss at the beginning of your relationship or the fun adventures you’ve had together can remind you of the effortless love and admiration you had, and may still have, for each other. A good bout of reminiscing may be the remedy for your relationship woes!

But, like a double-edged sword, reminding yourself of your past can magnify the unhappiness you may currently feel in your relationship. Realizing what you no longer have or need can be a painful stake to the heart. A wound one may struggle to heal from. 

Although research hasn’t been able to confirm or deny whether nostalgia is more beneficial than it is harmful, I say it goes both ways. Like most things, nostalgia and reminiscing should be enjoyed in small doses. Couples that find themselves fighting for their relationship may find that reflecting on fond memories is a great motivator—in the short term. In the long run, though, a good blast from the past will most likely not be enough to undo any current damage. 

Maybe nostalgia will be the spark of hope you and your partner need to persevere through hard times, or perhaps the contrast between where you were and where the two of you are now will be too disheartening to bear. At the end of the day, though, if the days behind you seem brighter than the ones ahead of you, it’s probably time to reevaluate. 

Shake things up! Fall back in love with all the possibilities the future can hold. Let go of anyone and anything that may not get you to where you want to be. Put happiness first and foremost.

You’ll thank yourself for it later. And maybe, hopefully someday soon, memory lane won’t seem so dark. 

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Peyton Scott

Peyton is a full-time student, part-time writer, and partial night owl. She falls in love with everything at least once, but especially (and in no particular order): words, furry creatures, empty notebooks, true crime, hikes (and probably you).

Instagram: @peyyscott

Twitter: @peyytonscott

How to cope with homesickness

Some days, the longing for home sinks in like a winter chill. Other days, it can hit you like a freight train. No matter how it settles in though, homesickness can lead you down a path to heartbreak. 

Homesickness doesn’t discriminate. It’s something that any of us that who have snuck away from home can fall ill to. Some feel it for the first time when they jet off to college or university, while others carry it with them after they’ve relocated to a different county. Knowing what we do about nostalgia, it’s easy to see how homesickness and nostalgia can go hand in hand. 

Nostalgia makes us long for the past. It can make us miss particular times in our life, people we no longer see, and places we’ve previously been — including home! Maybe you’re missing your mom’s home cooked meals, or yearning to drive to your favourite lookout in town. Maybe you feel disconnected from your culture and long to have a conversation in your native tongue.

No matter the journey you’ve taken that led you to feel homesick, here are some tips and tricks that can help soothe your ache for home.

1. Let yourself feel it

   Embrace it! As with any emotion, hiding from homesickness may prove to be futile. It’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to miss something that you can’t physically hold in your hands. This feeling may be all consuming at times, but it certainly does not make you weak.

   Let yourself reminisce about your favourite things back home. While I wouldn’t recommend wallowing all day, a good cry can be therapeutic. Take some time for yourself. Whether you believe it or not, you know what’s best for you.  

2. Distract yourself

   On the flip side to embracing your emotions, I also recommend giving yourself some sort of distraction. Isolating yourself tends to intensify negative emotions, so putting yourself out there in the world can be very soothing. Get yourself out of the house by taking a walk, running errands, or calling up a friend to go grab a coffee. 

   Immerse yourself in the place you are now instead of trying to climb back to the place you were. 

3. Call a friend

   Or your mom, or your grandpa, or your cousin — whoever’s voice it is that you need to hear to soothe that ache you feel in your chest. My favourite thing to do when I’m missing home is to call up my mom and listen to her chatter about the mundane comings and goings of her life. She’s my one-stop-shop to get all the updates I need from my hometown. 

   Expressing your feelings to someone you trust can be extremely therapeutic. Even if they can’t understand your exact situation, an empathetic ear goes a long way.

4. Bring home to you

   Though we live in a digital age, my love for physical copies of photos and photo albums is as strong as ever. When I’m feeling nostalgic, I find myself being pulled towards my photo albums, travelling through them like a visual time machine. I surround myself with picture frames of friends and family — people that I can’t see every day. It makes me feel less alone and keeps them present in my life, even when they can’t be here. 

   If you’re yearning for your home country, consider visiting a local shop that carries grocery and lifestyle items specifically from your country. There’s Dutch Groceries and Giftware, and The Scottish and Irish Store, among others that are here in the Ottawa area for those that are far from home! 

5. Plan something to look forward to

   It doesn’t have to be anything big or extravagant, it can be as simple as picking up a coffee and donut from your favourite coffee shop. Try and sneak simple joys into your day.

   Scheduling a video chat with a friend or family member back home is my go-to whenever I need a pick-me-up. With busy schedules, it’s nice to plan ahead and carve out time for a dose of home and companionship that we might otherwise miss out on. 

6. Don’t compare yourself to others

   It’s nice to hear this every now and again: everyone copes with things differently — including homesickness. That, and you never know what others are going through. It’s all too easy to look at other people that have been through similar situations and compare them to your own hardships. That said, it’s easy to look like you have your shiitake together.

“Maybe you had to leave in order to really miss a place; maybe you had to travel to figure out how beloved your starting point was.”

— Jodi Picoult, Handle With Care

If I leave you with one thing, let it be this: it’s nice to have something to miss. As painful as it can be to be far away from the people and place we love, having something we cherish enough to be homesick over is a beautiful thing.

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Peyton Scott

Peyton is a full-time student, part-time writer, and partial night owl. She falls in love with everything at least once, but especially (and in no particular order): words, furry creatures, empty notebooks, true crime, hikes (and probably you).

Instagram: @peyyscott

Twitter: @peyytonscott

Nostalgia: our secret survival tactic

What is Nostalgia?

Whether you recognize it or not, we’ve all felt nostalgic for something. But have you ever stopped to wonder why? Or what it really is? If you asked people in the 18th, 19th, and even in the 20th- century, they would have told you that nostalgia was a form of psychosis. If you asked a certain Swiss doctor by the name of Johannes Hoffer, he would have originally told you that it was a “neurological disease of essentially demonic cause.” Yikes, right? But that was back in 1688, and we’ve certainly come a long way since then. 

A simple dictionary definition says it best: nostalgia is a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with a personal association. But I believe that it’s different for everybody. 

For me, nostalgia is as much pain as it is a pleasure. I can hear John Mellencamp singing Hurts So Good in my head when I think about it. It’s the comforting memories of the past coming forward to hug you in the present, mixed with the harsh realization that you’ll never get to relive it. At least not in the same way. 

I think of singing Spice Girl songs in my living room with my best friend. It’s sneaking downstairs early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons before my family was awake. Nostalgia to me is riding shotgun down a dirt road with my friend for the first time when they got their license, or going to the bar to have my first legal drink. Nostalgia is achingly personal, but yet we all feel it.

“Nostalgia is a powerful drug. Under its influence, ordinary songs take on dimensions and powers, like emotional superheroes.”

— Kate Christensen

Now let’s take it back to the beginning

Johannes Hoffer, who I mentioned earlier, was actually the first person to start chipping away at what we know to be nostalgia. Back in the late 17th- century, he noticed what he considered to be a “strange illness” affecting Swiss mercenaries serving abroad. There were physical symptoms to this illness: including fatigue, irregular heartbeat, indigestion, and even fever. More often than not, the symptoms were so strong that the members had to be discharged and treated. 

Hoffer soon discovered that there was nothing physically wrong with the patients, but that they all had a mental yearning for their mountain homeland. It was actually believed that this condition was something only the Swiss suffered from. Funnily enough, doctors even proposed that the constant ringing of cow bells in the Alps caused trauma to the eardrums and brain. Military commanders even forbid that their soldiers sing songs or play music, worried that they would fall ill to nostalgia.

It wasn’t until people started immigrating to different countries that doctors realized that nostalgia wasn’t just occurring for the Swiss, but for people all over the world! As time and science progressed, nostalgia went from being considered a neurological disease to a mental condition similar to depression. Along the way, he coined the term that we know today, nostalgia. This comes from the Greek word nostos, which means homecoming, and algos, which means pain or longing. If you’ve got some time, check out this quick video that, quite literally, illustrates how nostalgia came to be.

Nostalgia as resilience 

Though nostalgia used to be compared to depression, scientists and health care professionals now know now that it is not. While it is true that people who are sad or suffer from depression are more likely to feel nostalgic, they do not go hand in hand nor are they similar. Correlation does not imply causation, after all. In fact, it’s been found that nostalgia is a crucial part of the continuation of the human species!

When we remember fond, meaningful memories, it boosts our mental well being. If we let ourselves be nostalgic for our childhood, milestone, or time in our life, it increases our feeling of self-worth and belonging. It encourages us to grow, be kinder to one another, and to cope with our ever changing world. It’s been proven that when we experience negative emotional states, we tend to naturally use nostalgia to reduce our stress. An act of self love, if you will. 

Nostalgia is not about being stuck in the past, it’s about remembering that life is worth living. It allows us to pull moments that made us feeling something and it gives us a glimpse of what we might feel again. Nostalgia makes us resilient; it gives us the confidence to keep going, especially when we may not want to. 

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Peyton Scott

Peyton is a full-time student, part-time writer, and partial night owl. She falls in love with everything at least once, but especially (and in no particular order): words, furry creatures, empty notebooks, true crime, hikes (and probably you).

Instagram: @peyyscott

Twitter: @peyytonscott