When In Doubt, Draw Them Out

You’ve survived this long, you must be considering yourself an expert by now. You’ve picked the right group of people to surround yourself with and what to do and not to do.  So what’s next?

Doubt.

In every zombie book, movie or TV show it is nearly always someone’s second guessing themselves that gets them killed.  Don’t let this happen to you.

In the heat of the moment, your head will be filled with possible scenarios.  Stick with your gut feeling.  It’s not going to be pretty anyway.  If your gut is telling you to walk away from a scenario, do it.  If it’s telling you that the possible safe haven is full of zombies, do something about it before entering.  Throw something breakable into the room and see what happens.  Cough loudly.  Bang on the door.  Don’t just go into a house or store without making your presence known.

It’s life or death now, whether you like it or not.  It’s eat or be eaten.  If you stumble across a survivor who starts begging you to bring them back to your group, stop for a minute and really think.  If your gut screaming for you to walk away, it’s probably better to listen to it than ignore it.

Granted, this is going against almost everything science has been telling us, that your gut will always tell you to go for the known.  If you’re a compassionate person by nature, your gut will always tell you to help those in need.  But things change when the world comes to an end.  It is really black and white anymore.  Science is more or less dead.  Trust your instincts no matter what, you’ll deal with whatever happens after it happens.

You don’t want to be the idiot that brings back the psychopath to camp, do you?

And for the love of God, when you’re scouting for supplies, grab some nasal strips that prevent snoring.  I don’t care who you are and if you claim you never snore, you’ll thank me in the end when your leg doesn't get bitten off while you’re sleeping.

And now some soothing classical music and mindless carnage to ease you into your day.

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Kelly Houlahan

Is a student at Algonquin College studying Professional Writing. Born and raised in Ottawa, she enjoys speculating about the zombie apocalypse and spends an ample amount of time thinking about her plan of action.  Follow her on Facebook, Tumblr and Instagram.

Choices, choices

In light of the latest installment of The Walking Dead I’ve found myself thinking about some of the choices that need to be made during the zombie apocalypse.  Not just the questions about going on food and supply runs or what do when someone gets bitten. Carol’s departure has sparked many thoughts on who I’d surround myself with in this situation and it has also made me doubt my previous assertions about the very same thing.

I personally love(d) Carol.  I think she’s a badass and a survivor.  But I don’t know if I’d like to have her around if some freak strain of the flu hit my group.

Here are some helpful tips in choosing the lucky few that will accompany you on your quest for survival:

- Find a survivalist.  Preferably someone with knowledge of nature and weaponry (Someone who drives a badass motorcycle and carries a crossbow is an added bonus).

- Gordon Ramsay.  I’m being serious.  Not only is he one of the best chefs in the world, he is also one of the angriest people in the world.  Imagine all that rage focussed behind a baseball bat.  Serious advantage.

- Find someone funny.  The zombie apocalypse will be a downer and everyone could use a laugh.  

- Find a stoner.  Not anyone who takes uppers, but someone who smokes a lot of weed.  This may seem like a bad idea, but they’ll offer you a calm and collected perspective when things get tense and when things get crazy they’ll go into Call Of Duty mode and start picking zombies off one by one.

- Go to the ends of the earth to find Sidney Prescott.  She never dies and she’s got a hell of a punch.

- Find an old, wise man.  Make sure they’re not too old, though.  You want someone who is still physically able to fight.  Their years of facing the world will come in handy and once they’re incorporated into your group they will go to the ends of the earth to protect you.

All right, survivors.  It’s time for you to go out and find the people who will save your ass.  Just remember these handy tips and use your brain.  If, at first glance, you feel like it’s a bad idea then it probably is.  Walk away before they latch on.

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Kelly Houlahan

Is a student at Algonquin College studying Professional Writing. Born and raised in Ottawa, she enjoys speculating about the zombie apocalypse and spends an ample amount of time thinking about her plan of action.  Follow her on   Facebook, Tumblr and Instagram.

It's Called Common Sense, People

So here we are, in the midst of the zombie apocalypse.  The cities are burning and things are getting desperate.  There are zombies everywhere you look, people getting eaten by the hordes.  Are you smart enough to survive or do you get devoured?  Here are a few things to remember:

1. Sally Sue has been grabbed, she’s been bitten on the wrist and she’s about to go down.  Don’t go back for her, you idiot.  Keep running, there’s no hope for her.  If you can spare a bullet, by all means shoot her in the head.  But don’t go back or you’ll just be one more walking corpse.
2. Don’t settle down.  I know we’re all craving a place to call home but there couldn't be a worse thing to do.  You need to remain packed and ready to move on at a moment’s notice.  Staying alive is better than being at home.
3. There is absolutely no reason to use fire as a weapon.  Having a moving, biting corpse trying to eat you is still better than having a moving, biting corpse that’s on fire chasing after you.  Think about it.
4. Use your common sense.  If it feels like it may be a bad idea, don’t do it.  Don't go to the hospital, 3000 other people have had the same idea and I'm betting a lot of them are infected.  Same thing goes for the mall.  Use your brain while it's still functioning on a conscious level.
5. Don't worry about what other people are doing.  Do what you think will help you survive. 

If you remember these four things you will have no problem surviving, there may be a few struggles here and there but you will be alive for the long run.

This puts humanity in a tough spot, though.  Or is there any humanity left?  Where is the line that distinguishes humanity from anarchy?  Truth be told, there is no line anymore.  You do what you do to stay alive, end of story.  But there must be something to help keep us all ourselves rather than mindless killing machines; all of the beloved characters in the movies, television and books seem to have a spark of life that keeps them human.

The simple answer is live.  Live each day to it’s fullest.  Some days will be bad; full of death and blood.  But there will be some good days, days where you find a stash of chocolate bars and shampoo.  Take the little things and roll with them, it’s the only way to stay afloat in a world that is threatening to drag you down. Go forth and flourish, survivors.

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Kelly Houlahan

Is a student at Algonquin College studying Professional Writing. Born and raised in Ottawa, she enjoys speculating about the zombie apocalypse and spends an ample amount of time thinking about her plan of action.  Follow her on   Facebook, Tumblr and Instagram.

The End is Nigh

So, the world has begun its inevitable end.  It all started with some poor guy all the way over in India hacking his lungs up from what was thought to be a severe cold.  He got checked out by a doctor that diagnosed him with a weird strain of the flu, highly contagious of course.  He was put into quarantine but it was too late.  He had infected his family, who had infected their friends and so on.

Now here we are… The beginning of the end of the world, the zombies are slowly taking over.  There is no time to pack up the house and round up the family.  You only have a moment to make up your mind about your first stop.

What would your first stop be?  Would you run to the grocery store to get all of the non perishable items you can get your hands on?  Would you run to the local gun store and get all the guns and ammo you could?  Or would you drive over to your family’s house and scoop them up?  I sat down with ten people and gave them this situation.  I sat back and watched the discussion unfold, and these are my findings.

You are both practical and wise if you choose food and water.  The human body can only go on for so long without them, after all.  But what good is food and water if you don’t have either the means to protect yourself or people to help with the struggle?  Maybe this is why only one person chose this option.

You are a survivalist if your first stop is the local gun store.  You are smart enough to know that guns can be a source of protection as well as food. It truly is survival of the fittest, but what good are guns if you’re just one person surrounded by 100 zombies?  Surely guns can save your life in this situation but what about life’s essentials?

You are sentimental if your first choice is people.  Yes, they can help with protection and gathering supplies, but they can also slow you down.  Out of the ten people I sat down with, half of them chose people.  Their main reason was that they couldn't bear not knowing what had happened to their loved ones.

Where does your first stop lead you? Are you sure it's a wise decision?

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Kelly Houlahan

Is a student at Algonquin College studying Professional Writing. Born and raised in Ottawa, she enjoys speculating about the zombie apocalypse and spends an ample amount of time thinking about her plan of action.  Follow her on   Facebook, Tumblr and Instagram.